The past few months have been challenging in ways that invited deep reflection. Through it all, I’ve held onto two anchors: my values and my gratitude. Gratitude for what remains, for who I’ve become, and for the lessons that only challenges can teach. If there’s one word that keeps echoing, it’s resilience not the kind that hardens you, but the kind that softens your heart while strengthening your spine. Life will knock you down; the question is always how you choose to rise.

When we think about systems, we tend to imagine large institutions governments, organisations or religious structures but systems are everywhere. They live in the smallest details of our lives: which side of the sink you keep your toothbrush on, how you make your bed, the rhythm of your household, the unspoken rules of your workplace or the quiet expectations of your community. A system is any framework that shapes how we think, behave, and belong. Some systems nurture us into becoming truer versions of ourselves, while others slowly condition us to conform, to stay silent, to trade authenticity for acceptance.

Healthy systems invite curiosity and conversation. They evolve with us. But sometimes, systems stop listening. You sense it in the quiet moments when what’s right starts conflicting with what’s rewarded, when people’s dignity is compromised, yet everyone looks away. That’s when the deeper question surfaces: are you free to live your values here, or are you slowly eroding them to fit in?

True leadership doesn’t always roar; sometimes it whispers, stay aligned. Leadership within a system isn’t about playing the game better  it’s about knowing when the game itself needs to change. It asks us to speak up when silence feels safer, to act with integrity even when it costs us comfort, and to remember that titles fade, but character endures. When no one else speaks up, leadership becomes a deeply personal choice. And sometimes that choice looks like walking away not in defeat, but in dignity.

Leaving a system whether it’s a job, a relationship, or a belief can feel like a fracture. But it’s often an awakening. Growth doesn’t always happen within comfort. Sometimes, evolution begins when you step outside the system and realise: I can still live my values, even if the system couldn’t hold them. We become through both the systems that nurture us and the ones that break us open.

We all exist within systems families, teams, communities, workplaces. Some shape us for the better. Others test the very core of who we are. The question is: what system are you part of right now? Are you shaping it, or is it shaping you? Can you speak up for what’s right, even when it’s hard?

Resilience isn’t just about enduring what happens to us. It’s about staying true to who we are and who we are becoming. Systems may define the rules, but values define the person. And when the two no longer align, choosing your integrity is the highest form of leadership.

What I know for sure, my learning journey never stops. I know for certain that whoever is reading this and who has gone through and continues to go through their own journey of becoming the best version of themselves, healing , evolving, growing , shifting , revealing their authentic self may understand that when you start peeling yourself like an onion to heal,reveal,shed, realise , accept , let go, the list is endless, that this journey never ends . Layers upon layers are revealed consistently towards rebirth, renewal, an unfolding of you.

Recently I have been challenged felt more like pushed with dealing with my layer of being “HUMAN”. I always thought I am human the last time I checked. This layer has been teaching me to FEEL to really feel I mean in the REAL form , to feel the emotions that come up whether it is my sadness, my loss , my happiness, my peace and not to be dismissive of myself after all I am human😊 Let me share what that means for me which might mean different things for others.

I firmly believe that in our lives we choose the roles we play in our family, with friends, with loved ones based on our experiences consciously and sometimes unconsciously. I chose the role of the rescuer, the positive one, the survivor, the strong one, the go to person, yep that’s me in full armour. Don’t get me wrong without these qualities I would not be who I am today, so I own this with admiration and respect for myself but in this process and as life happened this armour got stronger and harder which swallowed and dismissed my sadness and feelings and loss.
I started my own spiritual journey honestly when my dad died, I wanted to understand death, I read books, saw healers, spoke to people who were also questioning life. As time went by I felt a deep sense of resonance, comfort with my search to understanding self and how I have shown up in my world and realised that we all have so many different experiences, some easy and effortless others hard and challenging and painful. In this time, I started to nurture and embrace the light within me which to be honest kept me together, kept me riding the strong harsh pressured waves instead of crashing into them and being swallowed by what felt like an angry ocean.
As life unfolded with more experiences that consisted of an unbalanced mix of fear, grief, sadness, anxiety, all different types of losses, I had a strong internal dialogue with myself around being strong.

I dived deep into my spirituality and soul to understand these choices I made , these experiences I chose to have in this lifetime , the contract I made with my loved ones who made me feel like they left me alone , It is what it is , it happened and now how do I honour my life and how do I choose to live . I justified and made sense of all my emotions for myself. “You are a spirit having a human experience” that was my own internal mantra and what I have come to realise that in this process I didn’t understand what it means to be human. I forgot to allow myself to REALLY feel sad, let whatever needs to surface to come up and stare me straight in my face, forgot to allow myself to acknowledge that its ok to be sad, it ok to allow myself to be crashed by the angry waves and to fall right into the deep ocean. I am a master of being able to stop myself from crying I could even teach someone how to do this skilfully so that they don’t crumble. I have so many ways of how I deviate from that moment, that moment that may take you to places where you dare not go too.

So here I am, completely naked with my sadness that loss has brought in my life , loss of loved ones , loss of opportunities , loss of experiences I have really wanted to have in this lifetime and have not and now it maybe too late , loss of the endless possibilities I saw for myself when I was 24 dreaming of how my life would evolve , loss in its purest forms and in this process I am learning to accept right now right here where I am . Being human for me is me doing this dance with myself of allowing myself to feel, to let go of the need to rush this, to acknowledge and in this process, there is a freedom and liberation that is bubbling inside of me making my shield softer and lighter and gentler.

As I unpack this with my soul sister Jameen she articulates this with such clarity to me and shares with me that this is a process, “ a journey of exploring and facing the many thick layers coated and lined with an unbelievable heaviness that we naively never realise are being worn by us, to begin with. Journeys of change and growth take on their own maps, much as we would like, we can’t go from A to Z in a milli-second, or even in a straight line, like a trapeze artist, even though, that in itself would be miraculous. Journeys of honesty and integrity demand a lot more, they are complex, scary, messy and in parts awkward, stubborn, resistant and that’s why their revelations are all the more meaningful. As we learn and unlearn we are forced to face and question our own demons, our hidden fearful selves and shadows. You have taken that courageous step, by challenging an auto-pilot pattern of thinking and doing and being. That is itself a mighty act. Worthy of your humanness. Your heart lives by its own beating rhythm and has refused to bow down and become cold and mechanical”.

So how HUMAN are you?
Love Aletta

As I reflect today on the gift of my life, my mind body and spirit is spiraling with mixed emotions. I honor my sadness, happiness, gratefulness and how blessed I feel today. I honor my state of being present in my life.

Birthdays was a special time in my home growing up, it was a day when all the people you love and who love you celebrate you. You get showered with presents, a birthday cake and your favourite meal. I was and still am on some levels one of those crazy people who just love birthdays for all that they represent, a celebration of one’s life.

As a little girl it was all about presents and taking chocolates to school and no matter what you did on that day you would not get into trouble with your parents because it was your birthday. I remember not being able to sleep the night before as I could not wait to get my presents and take my chocolates to school, not forgetting the biggest slab of chocolate for my teacher. ( to this day I do not understand who came up with this ritual that we got sucked into , in retrospect my teacher should have given me a chocolate…lol )

My mum was the glue, she was instrumental in creating our birthday traditions and rituals and making me feel special from the time I was a little girl and she did that till my last birthday she celebrated with me 5 years ago. I miss her deeply on my birthdays, a woman that gave birth to me, a woman that taught me how to love and be loved. I miss my family on my birthday and as I feel that I can’t help but acknowledge and feel blessed and grateful for my new family.

I reflect today that as I get older, birthdays have a different meaning for me. (Don’t get me wrong I still LOVE presents and a birthday cake J) It’s about meaningful connections with my people, it’s about acknowledging and feeling blessed for all the people in my life who add value to my life, it’s about thanking GOD for guidance and support and for keeping me connected to myself at all times. I am blessed with real people who love me and accept me just as I am. I have learnt that love and time heals and I have learnt that I am loved. It’s also about being thankful for all my experiences that teach me and help me grow and evolve everyday. It’s about feeling loved and appreciated by those who love you. It’s about acknowledging that even though I have been through some challenging storms I am OK and will always be ok. It’s about still having dreams and wishes and wanting more in your life. It’s about honouring myself in that as I have moved and move through my life, I fallen so many times and have picked myself up an equal number of times more courageous, resilient and stronger. I have fallen into holes that were deep and dark, into shallow holes with light , I have walked past some holes, skipped over some , looked at some and decided should I , shouldn’t I but with each decision and or experience I became stronger and more connected to myself . My imperfections have added colour into my life which has consisted of learning and self discoveryJ. The one thing I know for sure is that change is constant and life changes you too. Who would have known two years ago when I was celebrating my birthday with the same rituals and traditions my mum instilled in our family that I would be celebrating a whole new year in a different country today and here I am with my heart full and ready to start new rituals and traditions being away from what I have known as my norm.

So today I choose to celebrate me and my life with all of its colours and I celebrate all of you who are part of my life and who love me just as I am . Happy Birthday to me.