What I know for sure, my learning journey never stops. I know for certain that whoever is reading this and who has gone through and continues to go through their own journey of becoming the best version of themselves, healing , evolving, growing , shifting , revealing their authentic self may understand that when you start peeling yourself like an onion to heal,reveal,shed, realise , accept , let go, the list is endless, that this journey never ends . Layers upon layers are revealed consistently towards rebirth, renewal, an unfolding of you.

Recently I have been challenged felt more like pushed with dealing with my layer of being “HUMAN”. I always thought I am human the last time I checked. This layer has been teaching me to FEEL to really feel I mean in the REAL form , to feel the emotions that come up whether it is my sadness, my loss , my happiness, my peace and not to be dismissive of myself after all I am human😊 Let me share what that means for me which might mean different things for others.

I firmly believe that in our lives we choose the roles we play in our family, with friends, with loved ones based on our experiences consciously and sometimes unconsciously. I chose the role of the rescuer, the positive one, the survivor, the strong one, the go to person, yep that’s me in full armour. Don’t get me wrong without these qualities I would not be who I am today, so I own this with admiration and respect for myself but in this process and as life happened this armour got stronger and harder which swallowed and dismissed my sadness and feelings and loss.
I started my own spiritual journey honestly when my dad died, I wanted to understand death, I read books, saw healers, spoke to people who were also questioning life. As time went by I felt a deep sense of resonance, comfort with my search to understanding self and how I have shown up in my world and realised that we all have so many different experiences, some easy and effortless others hard and challenging and painful. In this time, I started to nurture and embrace the light within me which to be honest kept me together, kept me riding the strong harsh pressured waves instead of crashing into them and being swallowed by what felt like an angry ocean.
As life unfolded with more experiences that consisted of an unbalanced mix of fear, grief, sadness, anxiety, all different types of losses, I had a strong internal dialogue with myself around being strong.

I dived deep into my spirituality and soul to understand these choices I made , these experiences I chose to have in this lifetime , the contract I made with my loved ones who made me feel like they left me alone , It is what it is , it happened and now how do I honour my life and how do I choose to live . I justified and made sense of all my emotions for myself. “You are a spirit having a human experience” that was my own internal mantra and what I have come to realise that in this process I didn’t understand what it means to be human. I forgot to allow myself to REALLY feel sad, let whatever needs to surface to come up and stare me straight in my face, forgot to allow myself to acknowledge that its ok to be sad, it ok to allow myself to be crashed by the angry waves and to fall right into the deep ocean. I am a master of being able to stop myself from crying I could even teach someone how to do this skilfully so that they don’t crumble. I have so many ways of how I deviate from that moment, that moment that may take you to places where you dare not go too.

So here I am, completely naked with my sadness that loss has brought in my life , loss of loved ones , loss of opportunities , loss of experiences I have really wanted to have in this lifetime and have not and now it maybe too late , loss of the endless possibilities I saw for myself when I was 24 dreaming of how my life would evolve , loss in its purest forms and in this process I am learning to accept right now right here where I am . Being human for me is me doing this dance with myself of allowing myself to feel, to let go of the need to rush this, to acknowledge and in this process, there is a freedom and liberation that is bubbling inside of me making my shield softer and lighter and gentler.

As I unpack this with my soul sister Jameen she articulates this with such clarity to me and shares with me that this is a process, “ a journey of exploring and facing the many thick layers coated and lined with an unbelievable heaviness that we naively never realise are being worn by us, to begin with. Journeys of change and growth take on their own maps, much as we would like, we can’t go from A to Z in a milli-second, or even in a straight line, like a trapeze artist, even though, that in itself would be miraculous. Journeys of honesty and integrity demand a lot more, they are complex, scary, messy and in parts awkward, stubborn, resistant and that’s why their revelations are all the more meaningful. As we learn and unlearn we are forced to face and question our own demons, our hidden fearful selves and shadows. You have taken that courageous step, by challenging an auto-pilot pattern of thinking and doing and being. That is itself a mighty act. Worthy of your humanness. Your heart lives by its own beating rhythm and has refused to bow down and become cold and mechanical”.

So how HUMAN are you?
Love Aletta